A Lifetime of Love

 A Lifetime of Love

The joy seeing those two pink lines. The excitement looking at “big sister” shirts. The anticipation of telling Ben. The happiness on his face when he finds out our family is growing. 

The nervousness of each bathroom visit. The dread when the blood keeps coming. The realization that you’ve lost your baby. The grief that hits. The tears that flow. The brokenness. The pain. 

How do you say goodbye to someone you’ve never met but loved to much? How can you have so much love for someone you knew for two short days? Does the pain ever go away? Does grief ever loose it’s sharp edge? Does the fear of loosing another baby ever go away? Does the panic when seeing blood when you wipe ever fade? 

God, give me the strength to say “it is well with my soul”. Even when I do not understand, help me to praise you. Help me to praise you in the storm. Help me to find joy in the journey that You have set before me. 

After all that life brings me, I know one thing for certain, and it is that God is always faithful. Thank you Lord for the moments we had. Thank you for giving us our precious little Thaddeus. We carried him for a moment, but he will be loved for lifetime 

“At my lowest, God is my hope. At my darkest, God is my light. At my weakest, God is my strength. At my saddest, God is my comforter.”

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning....You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, to the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever.” Psalm 30:5b, 11-12.